Letter to the Editor

Dear BBC News Editor,

I was born of the slacker generation (Gex X), so I admit to being not the loyalest reader. I spend far too much time on watching reruns of the A-Team and Kung Fu: The Legend Continues, downloading (a lot of) Internet porn, having intellectual discussions until 4 AM about topics such as Who would win in a fight between Chuck Norris high on mushrooms and Mother Teresa with brass knuckles?, whether global warming is real or nothing more than CIA propaganda to make us pay more for bottled water and petroleum products like Old Spice and Quaker Instant Oatmeal, and which Smurf is going to be the one to finally bag Smurfette.

But I do check in from time to time, and I always go to BBC first. You guys always get me to up to speed with what's really going on in the world.

A long time ago, you guys gave me the option of receiving email alerts about things I'm interested in. Well, being one who's pretty out of touch, I opted for Breaking News e-mail alerts. Because, you know, I want to know about that kind of stuff. I have bottled water and instant noodles and lots of C batteries ready, but it won't do much good if I don't know we're being attacked (by whoever or whatever). So, yeah, I want to be on the up and up when something really big goes down. Thank you for making that available.

But I gotta say, someone is playing a joke, and it's far from April 1st. Last week I got an email about a breaking story about some schmuck being sacked. Hell, I don't even know who the guy was. Why would I want my breakfast interrupted for that? And just today, "Prince Philip taken to hospital." I've had that happen to people I care about, so I was concerned enough to open the email. I'm good and sensitive like that (I'm a Gen-Xer, remember?).

But it's over a bladder infection?! Damn, I was afraid the poor git was gonna die, or that he'd have brain cancer or something really bad, like another Bobbitt incident. That's breaking news, guys! But forgetting to pee after he gives it to some servant in the pantry at Buckingham Palace? You guys gotta be kidding me!

And like he wants that to be known to the entire world, much less in real time?!

You guys lost a few points today.

Respectfully yours,
Disappointed