Emily's Letter to Cockroach

Dear Cockroach,

I hate you! You're a worthless, vile insect. You crawl everywhere, you invade my home, you haunt me in my sleep. And you stink after I've crushed you into mush.

I understand that everything has its place, that you're part of the multitude of creatures that feed and feed off each other. You just might have your place in that chain of all things, but I'm skeptical as to what it is you can offer this world other than serving as a nasty, freeloading pest.

I dislike ants, but they serve a worthwhile purpose in decomposing waste, playing a part in ecology's biological makeup. Spiders, which really creep me out, make ingenious contraptions that catch their foes -- and then they eat them. Muahhhh haaaah haaaah! Bees, with that annoying buzzing, those poisonous stingers, and their sick fascination with my picnic baskets, at least provide me with honey for my tea.

So what the hell do you have to offer? Why should my karma be impacted for mashing your brains into the concrete?

Here's the deal, bucko...I hereby serve you an official, signed eviction notice -- get the hell out of my house!

In angst and despair,
Emily