An Anonymous Letter to "You Know Who"

Dear You-Know-Who,

It's strange (don't you think?) that everyone I know seems to know you, but I'm certain that you and I have never met. Everywhere I go, people I know -- even strangers -- speak out your name like you're a household commodity. Just the other day, I overheard Mom say "You Know Who is coming over to dinner tomorrow." My theory is that you don't really exist, but then how could everyone know you by name?

Perhaps you're a distant cousin of "What's His Name," or someone who likes to use the words "whatchamacallit" and "thingy."

Anyway, I don't know who the hell you are. Until I figure you out though, I'm going to call you Ordinary Bob. How do you like that, Mr. Mystery Man?

Sincerely,
Anonymous Me