To His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Your Holiness,

I'm sure you hear that title all the time. So, would you mind if I call you "Dalai" instead? I'd rather not call you "Lama" because it sounds too much like the animal "llama." And calling you by your birth name would obviously rob you of the respect that you deserve.

I'm sure you get this everyday, too, but I'm a huge fan. If I had my home, dignity, and everything else taken away from me, and then be ridiculed and insulted by the leaders of that Red Army next door, I'd be really pissed off. But, you, in all your greatness, have kept cool and even extended warm wishes to those commie bastards that run that monstrous bullying nation. I admire that peaceful, gentle selflessness
that you embrace. Like so many before you -- Christ, the Buddha, Gandhi, Mother Teresa -- you are a living example of the human soul at its purest.

I wish I were rich like those lucky Hollywood guys, Richard Gere and Stephen Seagal. I don't want money for the purpose of being wealthy. I want only to have the opportunities that they have, getting to hang out with you. I can only imagine what it's like for you guys sitting and chatting over butter tea, overlooking the Himalayas.

A old acquaintance told me that she met you some years ago, and that being in your presence alone was inspirational and life-changing. She also said that she witnessed you poke a young guy in the belly. This might sound ridiculous, but that's something I'd give an arm or two for, to be able to someday tell my grandchildren that not only did I meet HH, but that he poked me in the belly. That tickles my insides just thinking about it.

Anyway, I want to say that you're great. If ever you're in Taiwan, look me up. I'll buy you a cup of coffee or something, and we can kick it like buddies.

Humbly yours,
Brently