A Letter to Miranda

Dear Miranda,

As your best friend, I have to fill you in on something. You're always complaining about how guys gawk at you, how you can't even walk down the street without strange men making lewd comments and staring at you lustfully. I gotta agree though...men can sometimes be real pigs.

But what you haven't thought about is how your gym pants have JUICY written across your plump little ass. Yes, girlfriend, you do "got it goin' on." But you also need to realize that wearing provocative clothing is an invitation for all the creeps to come out of their shells and slobber when you're strutting past them in your "slut gear" (as you jokingly call it).

If you don't want people staring at your butt, making references to peaches when they're walking behind you, maybe you should think twice about the messages you're giving when you choose clothing that screams "Hey, check out my ass!"

Always,
Gloria